Pennsylvania Couples Counseling
It’s Never Too Late To Save A Marriage
We help couples in any type of relationship, unmarried or married.
Rekindling the love in your marriage and making it work is possible when you are open to change. One of the most important things we’ve learned from counseling couples for more than 28 years is that it’s never too late to save a marriage.
How can you restore the love you once had after all that’s happened?
Experience has taught us that the biggest predictor a marriage is at risk is when a partner feels his or her needs are not being met.
“A relationship is like a garden,” says Dr. John Gray, author of “Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus.” If it is to thrive, it must be watered regularly. New seeds must be sown, and weeds must be pulled. Similarly, to keep the magic of love alive, we must understand its seasons and nurture love’s special needs.
To save your marriage, you must begin by giving each other empathy and respect. You must learn important communication skills. The hurtful things that are said and done can seriously damage the fabric of your relationship.
We can guide you even if your partner does not want to participate in counseling.
We’ll teach you new ways to interact with your partner that can make you both feel closer. Often, when one person changes, the other person changes too.
Nobody wins a power struggle
Stay focused on behaviors that make you feel closer, rather than be engaged in a power struggle in which each tries to prove he or she is right.
A little appreciation goes a long way toward healing years of emotional pain.
Researchers have found that by the age of five, the average child receives five thousand “yes’s” and forty thousand “no’s!” Most people aren’t accustomed to receiving enough appreciation. As a result, they are not always adept at showing appreciation either.
When we give couples a homework assignment and ask them to each express five appreciations a day, they usually return to tell us the exercise has helped them enormously.
What appears to be the problem is often not the real problem.
A few months ago, a young couple came for counseling. He was African-American, and she was Jewish. Although Marsha and Roy loved each other deeply, they constantly bickered. Relatives and friends told them their problems were due to racial and religious differences but, in the very first session, it became obvious that these differences played a relatively small part in the stressed relationship.
Marsha and Roy needed to learn how to relate in ways that made them feel closer. During counseling sessions, they gained a greater understanding of each other’s needs, changed negative iteractional patterns, and acquired important communication skills that enabled them to create a vibrant, lasting marriage.
Marriage is an exclusive relationship.
The marriage contract infers that needs for affection and sex will be met within the relationship. When these needs are not met within the relationship, the marriage becomes vulnerable. Couples must make sure they spend adequate quality time together and are sensitive and respectful of each other’s feelings and needs.
The pain of infidelity can be overcome with good counseling.
Your partner feels crushed, enraged, betrayed, and abandoned. Trust has been shattered. The pain is unbearable. If the relationship is to be saved, trust must be re-established.
Infidelity may be an indicator of larger problems in the relationship that need to be addressed. Couples can recover from infidelity if they are willing to work on their relationship. With professional help, they can often move past the pain, acquire valuable new skills, and begin again
The average couple waits seven years from the time their marriage begins to unravel until they seek counseling. What finally drives them to take that step is frustration and pain.
The #1 cause of divorce in this country is that couples slowly, insidiously drift apart.
Marriage almost always begins with love, excitement, and an intention to grow old together. But the sweetest dreams can float away in a sea of hurts, disappointments and unresolved conflicts.
The divorce rate in America is between is between fifty and fifty-five percent. This statistic does not include gay and lesbian relationships or heterosexual, unmarried, long-term relationships. If these couples were included in the statistics, the rate would be much higher.
When our clients tell us their hearts are broken, they’re not just speaking metaphorically.
The stress of a troubled marriage can lead to heart disease, high blood pressure, depression and cancer. That’s because when couples constantly bicker and fight, adrenaline and cortisol levels soar. These hormones surge during emergencies. It’s what happens in the familiar fight-or-flight response. In an emergency this response is necessary for survival — on a daily basis it can lead to illness.
When your body is in a state of high tension day after day and year after year, the effects can be devastating. Your body takes a beating.
Successful marriages are the result of a couple intentionally behaving in a way that every decision they make is to preserve, enrich and enhance their marriage. They have a common vision for this marriage and a common belief system of how to get there.
We’ll teach you excellent communication and problem-solving skills.
When confronting your partner, you’ll both learn to speak in a softer, kinder tone of voice. Statements like “you, you, you!” only make your partner feel angry and frustrated. Instead, try saying “I feel,” and “I would like,” but remember, keep your partner’s dignity in tact. Once you change the way you communicate, you’ll find that your partner responds differently too.
We’ll teach you what to say and do to keep the argument from escalating.
Soon you’ll learn how to resolve conflicts more easily and will find them far less frightening.
You’ll learn how to:
- understand and comfort your partner even when you disagree .
- tell your partner what you want instead of expecting your partner to know.
- stand your ground when it matters.
- show support for your partner’s goals.
- listen to your partner with your heart.
- show affection.
- heal each other with LACE (Love, Appreciation, Compassion, Empathy).
- understand how a sincere intention to change can make a significant difference in your marriage.
We help our clients to recover from pain and create super marriages. Take the first step. Pick up the phone and call. We’re here to help you.
Arlene Foreman, M.S.
Relationship Counseling and Couples Counseling